If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
either way he was missing a nipple.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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