Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
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The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
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