wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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