he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
