So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
