You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
