at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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