whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
