your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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