hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
