woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
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