When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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