Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Someone shattered a urinal.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
