lets start a swedish sibling band together
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
