Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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