No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
