she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
