This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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