Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Mom said you looked used
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
