I skipped work to stalk him.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I just googled if crying burns calories
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize