I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
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