We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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