I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
