We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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