Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
