Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
