I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
