they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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