soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
there is another microwave in the elevator.
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