you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
