all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
you inspire me to be a worse person
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
