He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
It's never too late to be topless.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
