We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
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