wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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