Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
