guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Floor bacon is actually really good
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
