Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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