Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Randomize
