Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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