So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
