"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
