My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
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the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
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I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.