what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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