billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
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He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.