I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Randomize