just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
