I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
