Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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