I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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