So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Randomize
