you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
