life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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