How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
