Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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