my phone needs a breathalizer
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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