I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
