May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
