If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
what day is it and did you see me today?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
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