How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
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