There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
