She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
