I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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