Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
