i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Randomize
