So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
