you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
