we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
