if only i could text you this smell
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
The uberlube is also flammable
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
