NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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