just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
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It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
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My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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