Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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