So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
